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Premium Shitpost- The Dick Show baseball team
Catcher- Asterios Kokkinos
This one was obvious to me, he is a liberal so he is likely a bottom and can probably squat for a long period of time from all that shitting Keto has probably caused him.
Pitcher- Sun AudioEngineer
When he isn't farming ass he's farming strikeouts, seems to fit the prototypical pitcher
First Baseman- Madcucks
He's a bigger boy but that generates the power needed to hit homeruns and parody a shitter person. Not much movement required
Second Baseman- Jamie Lynn
Second base is pretty much second place, right? Plus she can probably generate a good amount of explosive force to move quick in the infield
Shortstop- Kian Magana
Not only does he stop criminals from getting away with it and stop pancakes 3/4ths of the way through he also stops the ball short from leaving the infield.
Third Baseman- Peach Saliva
When you think 3rd base you think big and strong and that suits the red menace just fine. Just don't throw a bottle of mustard to her she will get distracted.
Left field- Layc
You don't see too much action in left so she will have lots of time to do Pilates and practice giggling.
Centre Field- Denzel Walkes
Denzel walks, denzel runs (since he has a lot of practice running from shitty dates) and Denzel can see bullshit from a mile away, why not a baseball too?
Right Field- Dick Masterson
Of course he's an outfielder with an apparently ++arm based on his stories. Another prototypical player can probably hit the ball 400 feet with rage alone. Do not throw liquor on the field or we may not see him all game.
Because he would..
Coach- Nicky Rackets
He's got all the info on lock, the opposing team researched and he's ready to take TDS to the world series.
And now: A Marxist, Feminist, Progressive, Libertarian literary analysis of Nicki Minaj's "Starships".
By preceding her verse with rhyming alliteration, Minaj subtly connotes egalitarian access, "each" person getting a wave, to the fruits of the shoreline. The fact that "let's get a wave" can easily be misconstrued as "let's get away" only adds to the brilliance.
"They say what they gonna say." (0:09 - 0:11)
Utilizing an avant-garde, self-referential postmodern device, Minaj not only deflects all critics, a.k.a "Haters", but also establishes the relationship between reader, text and author, or in this case, listener, song and artist.
"Have a drink, clink, found a Bud Light." (0:11 - 0:12)
Using the same two rhyme sentence structure as her opening lyric, Minaj characterizes a social gathering replete with substances of abuse, or otherwise known as "Partying Partying Yeah" (Black, 1:02 - 1:06), a common theme in the genre, yet maintains a humble, simple context (proletarian even from a Marxist literary perspective) with a reference to the highly affordable and popular American beer brand, Budweiser. The version sold which contains less alcohol no less, one which was obviously not owned by the speaker, hence "found".
"Bad bitches like me is hard to come by" (0:12 - 0:14)
The deliberate violation of grammatical form is Minaj's ironic method of denoting her infamous reputation as a top notch hip hop lyricist, or "rapper", but the subtext runs deeper: the socioeconomic degradation of American education running parallel to contemporary society's progressive feminist empowerment, specifically sexual empowerment in this case, leads to the lionization of the rebellious "bad bitch" archetype, which Minaj would inform the reader is a breed that is "hard to come by". This phrase is structured similarly to "hard to get by" and the replacement of "get" with "come" hints at prostitution, which along with the Mattel Incorporated copyrighted brand Barbie, are common motifs in Minaj's body of work.
"The Patrón, On, Let's go get it on." (0:14 - 0:17)
By jarringly hitting the reader with a sudden reference to a luxury brand of Tequila, Minaj plays on the fantasies of her key demographics, and indeed continues the lineage of great American literature by evoking the quintessential American Dream - to pull oneself up by the bootstraps, that is, to "Let's go" and "get it on". The emphasis on "turning on" also touches on Minaj's oft-used motif/theme of the gradual (d)evolution of the human being into artifice, hence "Barbies". This is also a common motif in Minaj's close contemporaries and literary set, the "Young Money" set, which commonly sings praises to the youth counterculture of recreationally consuming codeine and dextromethorphan cough medications, i.e. "Sizzurp", otherwise known as "Robotripping", much like how one would "turn on" and "turn off" a robot.
"The Zone, On, yes I'm in the Zone" (0:17 - 0:19)
Again, more emphasis on "Turning on". "The Zone" is Minaj's utopic evocation, which will make more sense as a blissful post-capitalist utopia given the context of the succeeding lyrics.
"Is it two? Three? Leave a good tip." (0:19 - 0:21)
A tip of two or three dollars is, in American parlance, not usually a good tip, depending on the proportion of tip to good or service purchased, so much so that should two or three dollars be a good tip it would usually be for a market exchange that would not customarily demand a tip for social etiquette. In this way, Minaj continues the class dialectic, a common thread through her opus.
"I'm blow up my money and don't give two shits." (0:21 - 0:23)
This verse is clearly a Marxist allusion to the illusory nature of money as nothing more but the fetishized commodity of exchange value. In stating as such, Minaj recognizes that her true strengths lie in her social capital. Indeed in the context of Marx's "Das Kapital", one could not give "two shits" about liquid cash when compared to the relative power afforded by human capital "Youth" and financial capital "Money". Especially with the use of the verb "Blow up", this verse clearly has a subtext calling for radical revolution against the hegemonic neoliberal political economy.
"I'm on the floor, floor" (0:23 - 0:24)
Minaj uses the dance floor as a prototype for the ideal radical Marxist environment for her radical revolution. The "floor" is commonly understood by club goers as the diametrical opposite to the "tables", an exclusive and elite institution in which the privileged enjoy their "bottle service".
"I love to dance" (0:24 - 0:26)
Minaj acknowledges both her musical heritage and her Christian faith by referencing Sydney Carter's "Lord of the Dance", synthesizing the Marxism established in the last few lyrics with Christianity to subtly lend her support to Liberation Theology.
"So give me more, more, 'til I can't stand." (0:26 - 0:30)
Quickly switching from the relatively conservative position of Liberation Theology with a lyric that resonates with Minaj's key markets, that being usually atheistic/agnostic young hipsters who partake in recreational drug use, Minaj manages not to alienate her audience.
"Get on the floor, floor, like it's your last chance." (0:30 - 0:33)
References to the common thread of motifs - "the Floor" (as opposed to the Tables) or "The Zone", Minaj simultaneously addresses both the Marxist subtext by underscoring the urgency by which we collectively as a human species need to reach a revolutionary, egalitarian post-capitalist world order, as well as the Hipster subtext by emphasizing the urgency by which most 21st century drug consuming youth need sex as increasingly sexually frustrated individuals.
"If you want more, more, then here I am." (0:33 - 0:37)
Minaj emphasizes her feminist sexual empowerment.
"Starships were meant to fly." (0:37 - 0:42)
Minaj returns to her central message of hope and change, that with a post-capitalist, equally science-based (which she alludes to with her artificial human or "Barbie" motifs, as well as the many drugs she references which could not have been produced without the ingenuity of chemistry) and faith-based, sustainable, egalitarian society it would be possible for humanity to reach the stars and colonize other star systems.
"Hands up, and touch the sky." (0:42 - 0:46)
A command for any readelistener who happens to actually be dancing to Minaj's music, Minaj has, in a post-modern manner, integrated kinesthesis into the evocation of her broader, more ambitious narrative of the Promethean Triumph of Humanity.
"Can't stop, cause we're so high." (0:46 - 0:50)
Minaj references the contemporary political reality of gradual acceptance of marijuana decriminalization and legalization across the globe, hence "Can't stop" it.
"Let's do this one more time." (0:50 - 0:53)
An encouragement to vote for Barack Obama, which Minaj clearly is sympathetic too given their shared ethnic heritage.
"We're higher than a motherfucker." (0:53 - 1:08)
As of writing this, I am higher than a motherfucker.
"Brrr-rooom-bup-bup-bup brrrr-rooom-bup-bup-bup" (1:08 - 1:13)
The bass drop.
"We're higher than a motherfucker"
I will admit I'm not quite at a  otherwise I couldn't remain this eloquent.
"Jump in my hooptie, hooptie hoop, I own that." (1:24 - 1:27)
Minaj returns to her Marxist subtextual narrative by juxtaposing a cheap, plastic toy, most likely made in China and a consumer good that could potentially provide great utility (depending on how much you like to "shake the money maker") with:
"And I ain't paying my rent this month, I owe that." (1:27 - 1:31)
A common plight among contemporary Americans.
"But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like" (1:31 - 1:35)
Minaj boldly states her support for LGBTQ rights.
"That's our life, there's no end in sight" (1:35 - 1:36)
Minaj furthers her optimistic aspirations for humanity - that the human species will continue to propagate endlessly into the future, not to be brought about by a calamitous rapture by anti-christ Mitt Romney (which Minaj feels strongly about given her Christianity) - but rather that what Jesus meant by "Everlasting Life" is meant to be taken allegorically and that humanity will, through the power of science, discover immortality.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star." (1:36 - 1:37)
By alluding to the childhood masterpiece of a young Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Minaj not only marks "Starships" as the initial magnum opus of her career, but leaves room for her to become one of humanity's legendary composers, much like her hero and idol, Mozart.
"Now everybody let me hear you say ray ray ray" (1:37 - 1:40)
Ray ray ray
"Now spend all your money because today pay day" (1:40 - 1:43)
Through the reckless spending of money on illegal black market substances, Minaj advocates an Agorist approach to post-capitalist revolution by growing the counter-economy.
"And if you're a G, you're a G, G, G" (1:43 - 1:45)
Literally: if you're a gangster, you're a gangsta, gangsta gangster. Minaj emphasizes her support for an Agorist counter-economy and encourages her audience not only partake, but to reevaluate their values so that the criminal becomes positive disobedience.
"My name is Onika, you can call me Nicki" (1:45 - 1:46)
Minaj reflects on the duality of identity, between her self and her projected celebrity image, and ultimately comes to a synergetic dialectical denouement of the two with the humble statement that you can just call her by her adopted first name, as opposed to her full given name.
TL;DR: Nicki Minaj is the new Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart