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Hamtaku and the Japanese Restaurant
Our cast of characters:
Me: Lady_Sand_Giant. At the time this story takes place, 22 and overweight, but nowhere near planet sized. College student who had an unfortunate obsession with all things anime.
NaiveSweetie: My best friend, same age as me. Had a huge ladyboner for Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7, but was still able to function normally in everyday social situations. Also had (still has) a tendency to let people mooch off of her because she can't stand to see anyone without a friend. Pretty certain she's a saint.
Hamtaku: The reason you're here. 26 at the time this story took place, living in her parents' basement with her 5 cats--I am absolutely not making this up. Prided herself on her knowledge of Japan, which pretty much consisted of anime and pocky. A hamplanet who had a new condishun every time I spoke to her.
On to the show!
I had just ended my classes for the day when my phone buzzed with a text from Hamtaku: "NaiveSweetie and I are going out for lunch, you in?"
Hungry and ready to discuss something besides British Literature, I eagerly agreed, and Hamtaku gave me the name of the restaurant where we'd meet up.
The restaurant turned out to be a new Japanese joint that I hadn't been to yet. NaiveSweetie was already there. We exchanged greetings, then sat on a bench outside to wait for Hamtaku.
I was having such a good time chatting with my best friend that it only seemed like a few minutes before I checked the time on my cell phone, but I did a double take when I realized half an hour had gone by.
"Has Hamtaku texted you?" I asked NaiveSweetie. She shook her head. "I'll try to get a hold of her and see what's taking so long," she said, flipping open her phone (this was like 5 years ago--smartphones weren't as widespread).
NaiveSweetie was greeted with a recorded voicemail message. "Moshi-moshi! This is Hamtaku. Leave a message and have a kawaii day!"
"Where are you?" I texted Hamtaku. "I'm getting really hungry."
Another 15 minutes went by. I was starting to feel irritable at this point, but NaiveSweetie, in her usual way, urged me to wait patiently. "Maybe she hit traffic," she said gently.
As if on cue, I started to feel vibrations pulsating rhythmically through the concrete walkway, and Hamtaku's giant SUV swung into the parking lot. Even with the car doors shut, we could still clearly hear the Japanese electronica she was blasting. I could barely see Hamtaku through the anime figurines she had tied to her rearview mirror, but I did catch a glimpse of an extra-large McDonald's cup in her hand. She sat in her SUV, furiously sucking down the last of her beetus juice, for at least another minute before switching off the engine. The vibrations shaking my bench stopped immediately.
"God, I am STARVING!" she mooed.
And then, without a single apology or explanation for the McDonald's cup, she marched inside the restaurant. NaiveSweetie and I exchanged a glance, then followed her in.
The three of us were seated in a booth. Hamtaku took up one side of the table by herself, grumbling under her breath that these seats didn't have enough room for anyone other than anorexic bitches.
The waiter appeared. "What would you ladies like to drink today?"
"Water, please," said NaiveSweetie.
"Water and hot tea for me, please," I said.
"LARGE COKE AND GREEN TEA," Hamtaku bellowed, loud enough to make the waiter wince slightly. When he swept away to get our drinks, Hamtaku grinned at us. "I loooooove green tea," she crooned. "Japanese people have it all the time. It's really good for you too. I can't have regular water, so I drink a lot of tea instead."
"You can't have...?" I trailed off, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with plain old water.
"I have a condishun," Hamtaku insisted. "I need to keep my sugars up or else I get really dizzy and sick."
NaiveSweetie kicked me under the table as I opened my mouth.
The waiter returned soon after, setting down waters and teas and an enormous glass of fizzy beetus juice, which Hamtaku chugged with moans of pleasure. Once the soda was gone, she turned her attention to her tea.
This next bit will be narrated by the Count from Sesame Street.
Three! Three pouches of coffee creamer!"Not enough," Hamtaku murmured under her breath. She squeezed herself out of the booth and snatched the sugar caddy from a nearby table.
Five! Five packets of sugar in the raw!
Two! Two more pouches of creamer!My mouth hung open as Hamtaku stirred her concoction into a sludge the consistency of maple syrup. "How can you even drink it like that?" I asked in horrified awe. I had stirred half a packet of Equal into mine and still found it slightly too sweet.
Four! Four more packets of sugar in the raw! Ah ah ah ah!
"Green tea is supposed to be sweet," Hamtaku insisted. "It's so gross if you don't add anything to it. And besides, I need to keep my sugars up or else I'll get sick!"
NaiveSweetie kicked me under the table again when she saw the look on my face.
Lunch itself was fairly uneventful. The food was enjoyable and the restaurant had a nice atmosphere overall. Our conversation turned to--what else--anime, and I had a great time discussing a new show we'd all gotten hooked on. Things were definitely looking up.
Until the bill came.
"So who's got this?" said Hamtaku. She was holding out her check to me and NaiveSweetie.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "We're paying separately."
"I can't afford to eat out," said Hamtaku. "I don't have enough money in my checking account to cover this. I thought you guys knew that."
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Well, duh," said Hamtaku. "I don't make a ton of money at my job, and my dad keeps borrowing money from me, and I just bought the new box set of Planet Chaser Starlight Excellent. I don't have enough money to eat out. I thought you guys knew that and that's why you asked me to come out with you."
NaiveSweetie almost clapped her hand over my mouth. "It's okay, Hamtaku," she said quickly. "I'll cover it."
The waiter whisked away the checks, returned our cards, and wished us a pleasant afternoon, all while we sat in awkward silence. As we headed out to the parking lot, Hamtaku piped up again.
"Jesus, it's hot out here. Does anyone want to go get some ice cream?"
TL;DR: Hamplanet neckbeard weeaboo invites us out to eat, consumes her entire body weight in sugar, and expects us to pick up her tab.
Today Shows : November 7
day in history lookup
Grateful Dead - 1968/11/7 - Fillmore West, San Francisco, CA | No setlist. Mentions: 0
Grateful Dead - 1969/11/7 - Fillmore West, San Francisco, CA | Morning Dew, Mama Tried, Next Time You See Me, Good Lovin', China Cat Sunflower, I Know You Rider, Dark Star, Feelin' Groovy Jam, Uncle John's Band, Dark Star, Cryptical Envelopment, Drums, The Other One, Turn on Your Love Light Mentions: 14 First: Feelin' Groovy Jam (only)
Grateful Dead - 1970/11/7 - Capitol Theatre, Port Chester, NY | Set 1: Acoustic: Deep Elem Blues, The Monkey and the Engineer, Big Railroad Blues, Operator, El Paso, How Long Blues, Ripple, Brokedown Palace, Uncle John's Band | Set 2: Electric: Cumberland Blues, Cold Rain and Snow, It Hurts Me Too, Beat It On Down the Line, Truckin', Drums, The Other One, Casey Jones, Attics of My Life, Sugar Magnolia, Big Boss Man, Mama Tried, China Cat Sunflower, I Know You Rider, I'm a King Bee, Good Lovin' Mentions: 5
Grateful Dead - 1971/11/7 - Harding Theater, San Francisco, CA | Set 1: Truckin', Brown-Eyed Women, Beat It On Down the Line, Hide Away, Sugaree, Jack Straw, Tennessee Jed, Cumberland Blues, El Paso, Big Railroad Blues, Comes a Time, Mexicali Blues, One More Saturday Night | Set 2: Ramble On Rose, Me and Bobby McGee, Loser, Sugar Magnolia, Dark Star, The Other One, Me and My Uncle, The Other One, Deal, Brokedown Palace, Playing in the Band, Casey Jones, Not Fade Away, Going Down the Road Feelin' Bad, Not Fade Away | Encore: Johnny B. Goode, Uncle John's Band Mentions: 22 First: Hide Away (2)
Jerry Garcia & Merl Saunders - 1974/11/7 - The Bottom Line, New York, NY | It Ain't No Use, Favela, The Harder They Come, You Can Leave Your Hat On, It Takes a Lot to Laugh It Takes a Train to Cry, Mystery Train
Jerry Garcia Band - 1976/11/7 - Keystone, Berkeley, CA | Set 1: They Love Each Other, The Way You Do the Things You Do, Stir It Up, After Midnight, Russian Lullaby, Midnight Moonlight | Set 2: Tore Up Over You, I Second That Emotion, Strange Man, I'll Take a Melody, Mighty High
Jerry Garcia Band - 1981/11/7 - McDonough Arena, Georgetown University, Washington, DC | Set 1: Sugaree, Catfish John, That's What Love Will Make You Do, Sitting in Limbo, Let It Rock, Midnight Moonlight | Set 2: I Second That Emotion, Russian Lullaby, Valerie, Don't Let Go, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, Dear Prudence, Tangled Up in Blue
Jerry Garcia Band - 1982/11/7 - Tower Theatre, Upper Darby, PA | Early Show: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You), They Love Each Other, I Second That Emotion, Valerie, Mystery Train, Love in the Afternoon, Dear Prudence, Deal | Encore: Run for the Roses | Late Show: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You), Catfish John, Mission in the Rain, Simple Twist of Fate, Let It Rock, Run for the Roses, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, Tangled Up in Blue | Encore: Midnight Moonlight
Grateful Dead - 1985/11/7 - Rochester Community War Memorial, Rochester, NY | Set 1: Dancing in the Street, Dire Wolf, See See Rider, Loser, Mama Tried, Mexicali Blues, Cumberland Blues, Beat It On Down the Line, Deal | Set 2: Touch of Grey, Samson and Delilah, High Time, Let It Grow, Drums, Space, Gimme Some Lovin', Stella Blue, Throwing Stones, Not Fade Away | Encore: In the Midnight Hour Mentions: 3
Grateful Dead - 1987/11/7 - Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center, Oakland, CA | Set 1: Hey Pocky A-Way, Jack Straw, Row Jimmy, When I Paint My Masterpiece, Dupree's Diamond Blues, Box of Rain, Cassidy, Might as Well | Set 2: Uncle John's Band, Playing in the Band, Terrapin Station, Drums, Space, I Need a Miracle, Black Peter, Throwing Stones, Not Fade Away | Encore: Knockin' on Heaven's Door, One More Saturday Night Mentions: 0
Jerry Garcia Band - 1991/11/7 - Capital Centre, Landover, MD | Set 1: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You), They Love Each Other, Forever Young, Let It Rock, Lay Down Sally, And It Stoned Me, Let's Spend the Night Together | Set 2: Bright Side of the Road, Shining Star, Tore Up Over You, Rubin and Cherise, Like a Road, No Bread in the Breadbox, Tangled Up in Blue
Jerry Garcia Band - 1993/11/7 - USAir Arena, Landover, MD | Set 1: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You), Stop That Train, You Never Can Tell, Run for the Roses, Señor (Tales of Yankee Power), My Sisters and Brothers, Everybody Needs Somebody to Love | Set 2: The Way You Do the Things You Do, Waiting for a Miracle, Money Honey, Knockin' on Heaven's Door, Don't Let Go, Mississippi Moon, Tangled Up in Blue
Today Show Playlist
Mobile friendly m3u playlist links below usually stream uninterrupted by sleep/stop issues on iphone. Android needs a 3rd party app like VLC. Robert Hunter Songs Tags: Garcia | Weir | Pigpen | Brent | Phil | Pig & Brent | Dylan | R&B | C&W | Rarities | Jam
Shakedown Scarlet / Sometimes Fire Franklin's / Sometimes Help > Slip > Eyes Bird Song Pigpen Random Dark Star Radio 73 > 74 Just 77 Brent Era Bruuuce
Top Performances Roll Bones Song Mood?
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