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The epidemic of Locker room boys (a post I wrote some time ago.)
This morning I woke up to 10s-100s of stories by women condemning the action of an Instagram group ‘Bois locker room’. The “boys” or as I like to call them – ‘rich daddy’s sons who think owning a Royal Enfield is a great personality’ allegedly shared morphed photos of underage girls, body shaming and slut-shaming them on the group chat.
It disgusted me, made me feel ill, but did not surprise me. Growing up I have realized that a lot of men (the majority of whom I know) have said at least a couple of very misogynistic things, some even worse than that group in front of me.
DEBUNKING ARGUMENTS –
1. Let’s start with the most important one that anti-feminists use : False Rape Claims
- ‘On the question of false rape, her findings were mixed. More than one third of the 460 cases involved young people who had engaged in consensual sex outside marriage until their parents found out and used the criminal justice system to end the relationship.
- "Families are more willing to have the stigma of rape rather than having the stigma of their daughter choosing her own sex or life partner," she says. Shrinivasan found that many of these cases dealt with inter-caste or mixed-religion relationships which are considered taboo in conservative society.
- "I was repeatedly seeing stories of women being picked up in moving cars, being given a cold drink laced with sedatives which would render them unconscious, and then they would be raped," she said. "But when I started reading more and more cases I realized that there are patterns to how complaints are filed. So this sedative-laced drink becomes important because it is necessary to show that consent was not given."
- "The parents say, 'You've lost your virginity, it's going to be impossible to get you married, you file this case, he'll get scared and he'll marry you,'" says Shrinivasan. "In some cases it would be the argument of the defence that the woman was trying to abstract money," she says. "But I cannot think of a case where this was proven."
- While Shrinivasan's study would appear to indicate that the proportion of false rape cases in Delhi is high by international standards - in more than one country, researchers have put the proportion of false rape claims at about 8% of the total - academic Nithya Nagarathinam argues that this is a distraction from a more pressing issue, the under-reporting of rape.
- "Although there has been a jump in rape reporting since the Delhi gang-rape, there are still many cases that go unreported and there are so many reasons for that," she says, pointing to traditional patriarchal structures that mean violence against women is consistently downplayed. "That is a more serious issue to me than a few cases where the parents have probably wrongly accused the man." Nagarathinam cites a 2014 study using data from the Indian National Crime Records Bureau and the National Family Health Surveys that suggests only 6% of incidents of sexual violence against women are reported to the police.’ https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-38796457.
- Rape claims that come after years of the incident are only to malign the character of the man and not true.
- When certain men who assaulted a woman become a public figure, their victims feel compelled to tell the truth because they know these men abuse their power and so for these women, this becomes their chance of calling out their abusers so as to stop further misconduct. And this is very important in some cases where men might use their power to suppress legal proceedings against their selves.
- Feminists are trying to make all men look like predators or Feminists hate all men.
- Not only movements like #NotAllMen or #MenToo are generally a retaliation against women standing up to their abusers but was and still is a forefront of the right-wing extremist political ideologies and has been co-opted by them to shift the narrative from ‘Women are oppressed and want equal rights’ to ‘Women are trying to destroy our culture and forcing a female dominant society’ which is wrong and at best a strawman argument.
- Women are getting extra rights.
- The best example to explain this is the free bus and local travel for women in Delhi which was started by AAP government. They introduced free bus rides for women and are going to roll over free metro or subsidized metro rates for women in the future.
- Now some people are characterizing this as extra rights for women.
- Now to understand this let’s begin with some basic points- Delhi has been and still is one of the most unsafe cities for women in India and the World. So by this argument, it can be established that social security to a woman is impinged upon which means they already do not have similar security as a man as they are disproportionately targeted only on the basis of gender.
- By this, we can conclude that providing more security to a woman means we are giving them a similar right to security than actually providing them with more than men.
- Finally not only did women feel much safer with this scheme by AAP, they also noticed that the harassment on buses decreased.
- Women shouldn’t upload revealing photos and shouldn’t send nudes to men. It’s their fault that they weren’t cautious.
- Not only that but a woman’s right to her body is more important than a culture or religion’s right to morality in a democratic country. A woman can do whatever she wants and post whatever she wants anyplace she wants. Nobody has a right to shame or harm her because of this.
- Secondly, sending nudes is a known and completely natural sexual activity – ‘exhibitionism’ and is not a crime. If she consents it to another person (her partner or a friend or anyone she knows), it’s her right to do so, but these men have no right to share it. That is a crime as it should be. Shaming women on the basis of nudes is absolutely patriarchal and barbaric and is significant of a certain mentality of controlling women.
- Another important point is that if you’re saying that it’s a women’s job to be completely closeted to protect herself from sexual or violent crimes, you mean that a women’s human rights are less important the civic duties of the perpetrator of said crimes. (It’s not your job to not get murdered right?)
- Men and Women’s rights should be covered equally by the media instead of focusing on only Women’s rights
- One example is – “Pollachi ‘sexual abuse’ complainant says she was not sexually abused” was a headline by a known newspaper. In reality, the complainant had always maintained that she had not been raped, but had been stripped naked and filmed without her consent. By twisting these words to say that ‘she had not been sexually abused’, while also putting ‘sexual abuse’ in quotes, the headline casts her testimony as falsehood.
- The Current False Rape Claim case that came to light today. (I’m not going to use anyone’s names because it’s not my right to)
- So who is right here and who is wrong? This question might seem very easy to answer but chances are you’re quite wrong. And also I am no one to judge or are you. Only a court can decide that.
- Women who have been victims of sexual assault have vastly different coping mechanisms and there have been numerous studies that would show how much array of responses can be seen as a response. But the most common are- PTSD, Depression, and Rape Trauma syndrome.
- Social media has taken over our whole world and is now a counted coping mechanism for women. It has both negative and positive effects on victims of abuse.
- I read the post of the girl who called out her potential abuser. The story wasn’t unbelievable and was quite the characteristic of how many sexual assaults take place. So claiming she’s lying is absolutely wrong. The reason she couldn’t have proved that the boy had done is because rape allegations are already difficult to prove and also because years later it becomes almost impossible to prove. This might have been a manic phase of calling out her abuser if she was suffering from bipolar disorder quite easily caused by such an act of abuse.
- Now let’s look at the other side. The boy committed suicide because of retaliation from social media and if the case didn’t actually happen he could’ve felt a sudden mental trauma because of such a large online audience trying to hurt him or his family.
- My next few lines might be very hurtful to some, but the truth is a hard pill to swallow. Him committing suicide does not mean he might’ve been innocent. A lot of studies in the past have shown that suicide has not only been used to flee justice but also that some people consider it the ultimate form of justice for their sins (https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/evidenceprof/2018/10/assume-that-a-defendant-who-has-been-charged-with-a-crime-attempts-suicide-while-detained-prior-to-trial-should-evidence-of.html, https://openscholarship.wustl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=3143&context=law_lawreview)
- Now, this in no way proves that he did it or he didn’t but his suicide is also not something to shame the supposed victim for.
- The sole responsibility for this suicide and a future one shall lie on the social media circus and not on either the accused or the victim (until it’s proven that the claim was false) simply because internet shouldn’t dictate who’s innocent or not.
- The reason she never filed a case does not mean he’s innocent and just because he committed suicide does not mean he’s guilty.
- A rape claim that might have resulted in a legal case has been derailed by the so called heroes who not only create an opinion on these stories to boost their ego and for their own political purposes. So for the last time –THE ONLY PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAN’S SUICIDE OR THE WOMAN’S HARASSMENT THAT IS ENSUING RIGHT NOW IS EVERYONE WHO IS VEHEMENTLY DRAWING CONCLUSIONS OF THEIR OWN ON AND ACTING LIKE IT’S PROOF FOR SOMETHING. BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF SOCIAL MEDIA JUDGES, YOU EITHER KILLED AN INNOCENT PERSON OR ARE HARASSING ONE NOW. STOP AND RE-THINK, THE ‘LOCKER ROOM THING’ AND THIS ARE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT AND SOMEONE PAID WITH THEIR LIFE FOR YOUR EGO. DO NOT DIRECT YOUR HATE TO THE FAMILY OF THE BOY OR THE GIRL.
CRIME AGAINST WOMEN IN INDIA –
Two main types of rape that are prevalent in Indian Society which are political rapes and honor (izzat) rapes.
Here are some harrowing statistics related to crimes against women -
- “Violence against women in India is actually more present than it may appear at first glance, as many expressions of violence are not considered crimes, or may otherwise go unreported or undocumented due to certain Indian cultural values and beliefs. These reasons all contribute to India's Gender Inequality Index rating of 0.524 in 2017, putting it in the bottom 20% of ranked countries for that year” (1).
- “A total of 2,44,270 incidents of crime against women (both under IPC and SLL) were reported in the country during the year 2012 as compared to 2,28,650 in the year 2011 recording an increase of 6.4% during the year 2012. These crimes have continuously increased during 2008 - 2012 with 1,95,856 cases in the year 2008, 2,03,804 cases in 2009 and 2,13,585 cases in 2010 and 2,28,650 cases in 2011 and 2,44,270 cases in the year 2012” (2) – By a report by NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau, 2013). This increased to 329243 in 2017 (6).
- 65% of Indian men believe women should tolerate violence in order to keep the family together, and women sometimes deserve to be beaten. (3) In January 2011, the International Men and Gender Equality Survey (IMAGES) Questionnaire reported that 24% of Indian men had committed sexual violence at some point during their lives (3).
- Exact statistics on the extent of case occurrences are very difficult to obtain, as a large number of cases go unreported. This is due in large part to the threat of ridicule or shame on the part of the potential reporter, as well as an immense pressure not to damage the family's honor. (4) For similar reasons, law enforcement officers are more motivated to accept offers of bribery from the family of the accused, or perhaps in fear of more grave consequences, such as Honor Killings (4).
- Women are not trying to earn fame by making a rape case. IT HAPPENS. Every woman has a right to be heard and believed. They should be believed in a fashion where they’re not shamed for coming out until a verdict is passed.
- Instead of teaching girls how to dress and behave, we have an urgent need to make boys realize their civil duties and teach them that women are equal and that women are not just objects of desire for them.
- Our cultures that have been for centuries forcing us to believe that men are better and that women have certain gender roles – needs to go. Cultures that are resistant to change are blatantly misguiding people (No single religion holds this problem, all of them do. Do not use this for your bigotry. Accept your mistakes and solve them instead of counting others’)
- I’m not saying that false rape claims do not happen. They do. But they’re very incidental and the hysteria surrounding it is wrong. And only a family who has faced it would know what it means.
- One last thing - if you’re still blind enough to believe woman are not facing a crisis of security and respect, or if you believe that you have no stand on this, then you’re a part of the problem because you’d rather let oppression happen than acknowledge it.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
Tldr, There is no such thing as false rape case epidemic. But there is definitely an epidemic of women’s suffrage. This boys locker room might’ve been a wake up call but the social media storm destroyed it and divided us into two different sets of people - one who can acknowledge that there’s an injustice against women and the other ones who can’t accept facts.
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